Now What?

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I feel like I spend a great deal of time thinking, now what?

Yesterday, my husband Luke went back to work. Mackenzie our youngest had daycare and Shane was home on school holidays. I got up at a leisurely time (why not? We had no where to be, no pressing matters that needed attending too.) By then Shane had already watched more than his ideal quota of screen time, hadn’t dressed eaten or made his bed etc.

A friend – a teacher – messaged, Did I want to catch up today?

“I’ll have Shane with me.” I warned.

But why not? I wander around getting ready, but also ‘now what SHOULD I be doing right now?’

Well as my lovely support network tells me, there are NO rules. I get to choose what I’m up for or not.

I had shared my empty diary with my metro/alpha male type brother who works himself into a frazzle because he enjoys it.

He said to me, “Good luck with that, I’ve never met anyone with that problem before.”

So coffee I did.

Then because we were driving past Luke’s parent’s house, I took Shane in, I knew he’d get attention there after having to occupy himself while my friend and I talked for two hours.

In the week following Matthew’s funeral, I realised that I had a huge opportunity and that I needed to be intentional about what happened to my time, I didn’t want it to disappear into a void.

If anyone had an opportunity to design their life, it was me.

Everyone warns me constantly, ‘take it easy’, ‘be gentle with yourself.’
I can do both, be intentional and give myself time to take care of myself.

Luke and I worked through a home study course called ‘Time Secrets‘, what did we really want to see happen in our lives in the next few years?

My biggest take away, as always, is wanting to support other families walking these same journeys as we have.

But one of my first goals is to pull off an epic 30th Birthday to Bora Bora!
SO I can think and plan about that without wearing myself out too much.

Other things were to be;

* Intentional about date night, once a week.

Tonight we have set a date night, we haven’t got a babysitter, so we’ll be creative.

* Build routine and get our household stable and running smoothly again.

Of course immediately the washing machine decides it’s worn out and not operating correctly.

These are small things that actually are going to make a massive difference to our family. Things we haven’t been able to focus on doing well, in years.

****Update Note****

I took this blog from my journal 11/4/19.

Since writing this I changed the 30th birthday plans to the Maldives! Another change to be kind to ourselves and have massive fun!

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