Our Palliative Care Doctor and Nurse visit at home around the 6 week mark.
The doctor mentioned that she remembered that one of my only questions when they did their first home visit – which I think was when Matthew was only 18 months old, if that – was:
“How do people pay for their child’s funeral?”
That was almost 4 years ago.
We weren’t prepared.
Why even though we had all those years?
I have a few theories;
* it would have felt like we were just waiting for him to die, instead of focusing on him living.
* we simply couldn’t find space in our mental capacity. It was too far down the priorities list.
* There are just too many unknowns, How fast should we put it away? How much is enough? How would it happen? What are we going to be able to manage at the time? What assistance might we be eligible for?
My friend asked me at one point, ‘What’s the one thing you wished you’d done?’ She was looking for advice, to learn, perhaps avoid a pitfall.
I responded, “I try not to think like that, it’s not how I want to think about it.”
It’s true, I wouldn’t want to start down that path.
But if I had to say one thing annoys me, a little bit like wishing I started excising earlier, is being able to pay for the funeral before we had too.
Why is that the one thing that bothers me?
Because it’s a pain I had to go through that could have been avoided and we didn’t need any more pain.
I think Matthew’s funeral cost around $7,000-$8,000 all up.
Wake at a pun, fancy hearse and cars, upgraded casket.
Everything else was standard.
We had Matthew cremated, which we would have chosen regardless but it is actually much cheaper than burial.
So if you can find the capacity to put the money aside. I’d try.